“There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again.” ~Elizabeth Lawrence
As we launch into another new school year, I wanted to revisit the notion of the Super Kid.
I have a secret dream that all parents and educators will put the above quote on their refrigerators to remind themselves what childhood should not only look like — but FEEL like. (Um, well I guess the cat is out of the bag now!) I am not totally naive or going through life with rose colored glasses, but I do think that it is high-time the pendulum swung back the other way on childhood.
I just re-read a great article, Lost in the Meritocracy, by Walter Kirn and was once again struck by just how wrong so much of childhood is these days. In our “quest for the best,” our view of what’s best has become warped and twisted, and incredibly shallow. It might look good on paper and even open a door or two, but are they really doors that we should be aspiring to, or want for our children? Should achievement trump happiness and well-being? Not in my world.
I have written about this notion of the “Super Kid” before. We have all seen them — in classrooms or sometimes on TV, being held-up as the ideal child. Over-achievers by age six. Children with adult vocabularies and sensibilities, often lacking the ability to connect with their own peer group, or so fearful of getting dirty or doing anything wrong they are stuck almost immobile in uncontrolled or unknown situations. Often, the “success” of these children send parents into panic mode, creating a drive to outdo or out-pace that is visited upon children.
I find it so offensive — whether it is motivated by good intentions or not. On the part of the parents who try to create them — pushing kids to excel at everything or perseverating on one identified skill that must be mastered. And on the part of education and enrichment programs that promise parents ivy-league success by 4th grade and drive young minds and hearts to near exhaustion.
The adulteration of childhood is simply not OK. Not only does it rob children of their right to childhood, but it robs adults of the joy of offering true guidance, warmth, and compassion. It’s a lose-lose situation.
So, I have a proposal. Let’s redefine the Super Kid. Let’s start with a clean slate and give the kids a break.
The NEW and improved Super Kid:
- Laughs and giggles daily more times than he/she can count
- Is in the process of learning about who they are and what they like, versus letting others define them
- Plays for play’s sake
- LOVES to learn
- Stands-up for a friend
- Is not afraid to get dirty
- Is curious, sometimes loud, and capable of dreaming big
- Understands that it’s OK to make mistakes
- Learns that it’s OK not to get everything you want
- Understands that their only job in life is BEING A KID
That, my friend, sounds like a Super Kid to me. One that has time to enjoy being a child and will arrive at adulthood with a sense of self, a capacity for happiness, and the keys to a truly bright future of their choosing.
See ya outside! – The Grass Stain Guru
photo credit: {just jennifer}
I love, love, love this post, Bethe! My husband and I have talked often since becoming parents about our desire to “let our kids be kids” for as long as possible. We want them to have plenty of time to laugh, explore, and just be kids — it’s such a short period of time, and I want them to enjoy it! But I look around, and we seem like such oddballs. We have relatives who enroll their kids in sports year-round, even traveling sports teams, not because the kids love it but because they want their kids to be the “best” at their particular sport. This is accepted as normal by most of the people we know, but it just seems crazy to us. Thanks for championing true “super kids!”
I am happy to report that the childification of the adult me is continuing as planned. I have ticked off most of your Super Kid list and will continue to do so each and every day.
Now, if we could get more adults to learn the art of fun and understand how important it is to the wellbeing of everyone, we’d have much happier world.
Keep it up.
Mr Uku´s last [type] ..Does a writer have to have a blog
Right on, sister!
We all need to be shouting about this. All of us who care about children.
You’re talking about parents, but it’s everywhere. I look at the education reformers and they frighten me. These are Democrats and Republicans alike, coming after our kids with their standardized tests, factory schools, and vocational curriculums. Our job is to fight back!
Shout louder!
Teacher Tom´s last [type] ..Cars And Dolls
HURRAY! You are so right about this. Thanks for sharing your very powerful words. I’ve had the same experiences as Colleen, where friends push their kids so hard. So weird to be the oddball in your kind of thinking, but always good to hear confirmation that we’re doing something right! I often (uncharacteristically) overstep my bounds with other parents and squeeze in a “promise me you are scheduling in at least an hour a day when your kid gets to do nothing but play. Hopefully, outdoors.”
Love this, Bethe! After a summer full of playing, exploring and spending time with our friends, I’ve come up with a new family goal: We MUST have fun every day. This one small change in thinking has had a HUGE impact.
Hear, hear!
We had homework the first night of school this year. And by the second night of school the 8-year old was swallowed up in tears about homework and the quality of his handwriting. (Since when does handwriting indicate intelligence or even knowledge?)
Let’s not forget that all of the stress visited the upon the children in the name of excellence literally effects them physically…physically damages their brains through heightened levels of stress hormones. Is that really what we want?
I say NO! We want capable, happy, and healthy children!
P.S. The word “happy” – children should be happy and healthy – was uttered by Joan Lombardi, Deputy Assistant Secretary and Inter-Departmental Liaison for Early Childhood Development, Administration for Children and Families. Guess what?! She was referencing the U.S. Constitution!
(I know it’s hard to tell that I feel strongly about this, too, Bethe!)
Thanks for all the great, passionate responses, folks! I love there are so many out there fighting the good fight.
Shout it loud & proud, peeps!!!! Let kids be kids!
Will stand behind you Bethe, banners waving, to redefine notion of Super Kids and reclaim childhood for our children
Happy, healthy kids …………PLAY! They play with friends, the dog, in nature, by themselves and with their parents. I cannot believe how many of Samuel’s classmates have no free time to play-most of them seem unhappy and end up becoming dis-functional when they do get free time. It’s as if they have forgotten how to play. So sad.
Marghanita Hughes´s last [type] ..Children and Nature Give Joy to All
Thank you for this post! I remember (10 years ago) when my husband and I were talking about how we wanted our children’s lives to be. We definitely wanted them to take music lessons, as we had, but didn’t want them to be over scheduled. We have 3 – 8, 6 and 4. They played with each other all summer, no camp. Some people ask if they are too much, or get too bored. Boredom creates a wonderful opportunity to use your imagination, learn to be still or appreciate not having something to do, and I’m just so happy our kids have time to be kids. Thanks for putting that out there!
UPDATE…just received the link to this in my FB feed…it is a MUST SEE!!!
Be sure to watch the trailer: http://www.racetonowhere.com/
I enjoyed your post very, very much. My 5 year old always asks me why grownups try to give kids so many jobs, “when the job of kids is PLAYING. Not being clean. Or smiling for cameras.” The dirtier mine are at the end of the day, the more absorbed they are in arcane projects I can’t understand, the happier I am. Nothing more depressing than seeing prematurely sophisticated (and in some cases, sexily dressed) kids.
RT @balmeras: In case you missed it this week: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #edu #play
RT @balmeras: In case you missed it this week: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #edu #play
RT @balmeras: In case you missed it this week: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #edu #play
RT @NaturalPapa: RT @balmeras: In case you missed it this week: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #edu #play
RT @salisburydowns: Kapow.
xx RT @balmeras: An important post for me: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #play
Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #play #health
RT @balmeras: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #play #health
RT @balmeras: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #play #health
RT @balmeras: Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parent #play #health
@DeborahConn @holdinghandz @specialquest Thx so much for RTs on Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW. Viva childhood!
Couldnt agree more, I cant even begin to put into words my complete thoughts on this topic. Our country has so manipluated society into thinking that success comes as a result of years of beurocratic ideology crammed down kids throats all the while removing play from their days and reducing us to nothing more than worker bees that go about the business of those superior to oneself. Children are raised in test taking enviroments where there is little left to imagine and create out of ones own will. I am disheartened by the state of our educational system as a whole, at the local levels where teachers can not teach and children are forced to learn to take a darn test instead of learning to feed their curiosity and develop their imagination and discover a passion that flourishes into a life long pursuit of discovery and sharing of that passion. Its a sad day to be a child in America, but WE can change it, not by withdrawing to our own worlds to correct things for just our own, but we must demand changes on all levels for the sake of all children who dont have voices loud enough to be heard.
Redefining the “Super Kid” http://bit.ly/9hwwFW #parenting #edu