What cannot be achieved in one lifetime will happen when one lifetime is joined to another.
– Harold Kushner
photo credit: hamner.jonathan
As I see more neighborhoods devoid of life — so few kids playing outdoors, teens gathering on corners to hangout, or adults stopping for a chat by the mailbox – I can’t help but wonder what sense of community this generation is going to grow up with. Will community only be a term that they associate with online — be it Facebook, Twitter, or whatever else is coming our way? Don’t get me wrong, I love my online community, but I thrive on face-to-face contact and the collection of souls I share my world with.
I worry that kids today are not getting enough of a that sense of community — of belonging to a place and space. To knowing every nook and cranny of their neighborhoods and how to navigate the landscape that should be the center of their childhoods.
When I lived in the suburbs, I saw kids get in the car in the morning to be shuttled to school and I would see them return in those same cars around dinner time. Often, they were dressed in soccer uniforms or whatnot, obviously having been shuttled a place or two after school. They would then go in the house and I would see them come out the next day to do it all over again.Yards were merely ornamental, bits of green to give the place curb appeal. Sometimes I would see tiny tots playing outside — the pre-school set. But, almost like clock work, the moment the kids started school, I stopped seeing them outside, as if they were no longer citizens of the neighborhood.
When a child is young, their neighborhood is their world. Do we want these worlds to be uniform and lifeless, or rich with love, laughter, and a sense of community? Shouldn’t we want kids to explore the neighborhood with their friends? I want to see children running from yard to yard. Pick up games of basketball in driveways and street hockey in cul-de-sacs. Lemonade stands and garage sales. Block parties and sleepovers. Thriving, delightful human connection right there in their own backyards.
What does a community or neighborhood look like from a car? What does it feel like? Life is not to be driven past, but to be jumped into with both feet.
Why not park the car and let the kids roam — and do some roaming yourself? Save yourself some time and money, not to mention giving the planet a brake, and stay put. Instead of driving to activity after activity, why not park the car and put some of that energy into making your neighborhood a great place to be? Sit on those front porches. Get to know the new family down the block. Help the elderly lady across the street with her lawn or invite some folks over for a BBQ. There are a hundred things you can do to help bring back a sense of community to your neighborhood and show your kids how to connect with others and give them a sense of place and belonging.
I know we are all busy, but I can’t help but notice that a great deal of that is by our own design. We over-commit ourselves and our children and create schedules that are doomed to breed misery and exhaustion. We drive ourselves crazy for no good reason and it’s time to stop it. Take a look around you. What’s an easy first step you can take to make a change? For most of us, it’s time for a change.
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go sit in the courtyard and chat up some neighbors. We’re planting some flowers to spruce the place up a bit.
See ya outside! – The Grass Stain Guru
When we went looking for a house before we had children, it was important for us to find one in a neighborhood that was similar to the ones that we grew up in – one with sidewalks and curbs with schools in walking distance. We didn’t want the children we had someday to spend an hour each way on the bus getting to school as so many children in the larger districts around us end up doing.
Our choice led us to a small town that’s fabulous. We know our neighbors. Our boys (now 7 & 10) have four other boys on the street to play with and they play most evenings outside and the parents often gather together and chat while they do.
We all help each other out – we plow the older people’s sidewalks when it snows, we borrow eggs and sugar, we take each others trash out and bring in each others’ mail when someones on vacation.
I love that the choice we made in a home ended up resulting in a neighborhood like this. We don’t have a prestigious zip code, but I know people in prestigious zip codes who say they wish they lived on a block like mine.
I don’t think many young adults, especially if they don’t have children yet, think about what kind of neighborhood they are choosing when it comes to having neighbors that they can know and count on. I know people choose “good” neighborhoods with great property values and high ranked school systems.
I wonder if we should start ranking neighborhoods by how much time people spend outside on the block.
I lived on a dead end court when I was a kid. There were a bunch of kids in the neighborhood that we played with. We skateboarded down our driveways, plugged up the storm drain to plug the end of the court on rainy days and played pretend and built forts everywhere. Those memories are very fond ones, and I think every kid should have a similar set.
It is striking how the sense of community has faded. When I moved to my new condo it was really hard to meet people. No one really hung around outside and it was hard to make contact. That is really kind of sad.
Bravo Bethe, great article.
I’m pretty sure that getting started is the hardest part. It would be wonderful to read some interviews with people who changed their neighborhood, even just a little, or who have taken the first steps in this direction.
RT @TomVMorris @balmeras, on community: http://bit.ly/2sJU3z
One of our favorite bloggers, @balmeras, on community: http://bit.ly/2sJU3z RT @TomVMorris
RT @balmeras: The Gift of a Sense of Community, today’s post@ The Grass Stain Guru http://bit.ly/2sJU3z #playoutdoors #parent<-
Bethe..the age of technology has intruded into the lives of families and communities. While we all enjoy the benefits that technology offers, much has been lost to enhance the health, fun outdoors and direct interaction of adults and children. So many communities are like ghost towns. For those that thrive, their stories may rekindle fun that has been lost in recent decades. Thanks!
Getting some really great comments on today’s post on community. TGSG readers rock my socks! http://bit.ly/OlPES
RT @balmeras Getting some really great comments on today’s post on community. TGSG readers rock my socks! http://bit.ly/OlPES
RT @TomVMorris @balmeras, on community: http://bit.ly/2sJU3z
One of our favorite bloggers, @balmeras, on community: http://bit.ly/2sJU3z RT @TomVMorris
RT @balmeras: The Gift of a Sense of Community, today’s post@ The Grass Stain Guru http://bit.ly/2sJU3z #playoutdoors #parent<-
For the night shift: The Gift of a Sense of Community, today’s post @ The Grass Stain Guru http://bit.ly/2sJU3z
"Life is not to be driven past, but to be jumped into with both feet." Wisdom from @balmeras – http://tinyurl.com/nfvkox
“Life is not to be driven past, but to be jumped into with both feet.” Wisdom from @balmeras – http://tinyurl.com/nfvkox
RT @balmeras: The Gift of a Sense of Community, today’s post @ The Grass Stain Guru http://bit.ly/2sJU3z <great post, Bethe!
#parenting
Thanks for all the great comments, y’all! Robin – so glad you found a neighborhood like so many of us remember from our youth. They are few and far between these days.
Whether you have kids or not, I think it is so important to feel like your neighborhood is a good fit — that you have friends and people you can trust when you need a a helping hand — or just people you enjoy seeing out and about.
Life is for living, and we should love the places we live — beyond the walls…
Community is a big factor in creating an appreciation for the richness of society, and often difficult to achieve these days where rows of track homes may lend themselves to more of an isolated existence.
Technology has also played a role, keeping kids glued to an endless stream of electronic devices instead of interacting with the world. As parents it’s important for us to teach our children about the gift you so eloquently speak of in this article.
Getting some really great comments on today’s post on community. TGSG readers rock my socks! http://bit.ly/OlPES
RT @balmeras Getting some really great comments on today’s post on community. TGSG readers rock my socks! http://bit.ly/OlPES
For the night shift: The Gift of a Sense of Community, today’s post @ The Grass Stain Guru http://bit.ly/2sJU3z
“Life is not to be driven past, but to be jumped into with both feet.” Wisdom from @balmeras – http://tinyurl.com/nfvkox
RT @balmeras: The Gift of a Sense of Community, today’s post @ The Grass Stain Guru http://bit.ly/2sJU3z <great post, Bethe!
#parenting
One of the main reasons for building my yard sharing site is that I remember growing up in a real neighborhood, where we all knew each other, played together, created imaginary worlds together…. been trying to get back there in many ways ever since!
I remember climbing very high trees, riding my bike forever, sitting by the bay, swimming in the lagoons, getting into all kinds of mischief with other kids…and I feel so sad that so many kids just don’t have that world open to them. Day planners for kids have to be the saddest thing I ever heard of!
Thank you for a great post!
Liz
RT @balmeras: Getting some really great comments on today’s post on community. TGSG readers rock my socks! http://bit.ly/OlPES
RT @balmeras: Getting some really great comments on today’s post on community. TGSG readers rock my socks! http://bit.ly/OlPES
Very cool post and blog. I found it on the OBS site; welcome aboard and keep up the good work!
I struggle with this all the time. We live in the burbs on a street that has just a handful of houses. The other children are either in daycare and gone on the weekends, or are years younger than my children so playdates aren’t always much fun. We do have a sense of community in that most of us will frequently gather in the cul-de-sac to talk with the kids run around and can call on each other for help or to borrow eggs any time.
It’s just not all that I had dreamed of. We have considered moving many times but it just doesn’t make financial sense right now with the housing market where it is.
So we make the most of it. We host BBQ’s, coordinate neighborhood garage sales and potlucks, offer to watch kids and water lawns and share what we grow in our garden. We have extended community around us with really close family friends that we see often and that makes a huge difference for the kids. They’re our extended family and it’s ok that they don’t live next door (but wouldn’t that be great).
i would love to live in a neighborhood like some of the ones i lived in as a kid. sadly, we didn’t think of this when we picked our first (and so far only) home to buy, during the end of my pregnancy with our first child. i wish we had. this neighborhood is mostly devoid of life outside, as you mentioned. and what makes it worse is that there are no sidewalks. i cannot believe what a difference sidewalks make! and it feels so extremely awkward to even attempt to talk to anyone.
then we have the bad experiences that have tainted us. the house diagonally across from us has had renters ever since we moved in 9 years ago…and every single family had kids and cops. children in the family and cops parked out front for domestic disputes or something else…one was trafficking drugs through the house! bad stuff. i stopped trying to connect after that experience.
and this is not a bad neighborhood, believe it or not. although we did have a drive-by shooting (with one death) a couple years back. *sigh*
the worst yet is that the one family that i feel we could actually make a connection with…the next door neighbors that have children that attempt to connect with my children (over the fence)…have a convicted rapist as the head of their house. confirmed on megan’s law website (saw his pic on there, so i know its him). so i won’t allow my kids to pursue that friendship, unfortunately. and frankly, am not all that happy living next door to him!
*sigh* i lament our neighborhood frequently and wish we could move. *sigh* someday.
I think this post is oh so true, but I can certainly understand, in this day and age, why some people are so reluctant to associate with their neighbors, and let their kids play in the neighborhood. After all, this isn’t the same world that you and I grew up in, and with predators lurking around every corner parents have every right to be a little paranoid.
That said I do think it is sad that this is what it has come too. People don’t even know their neighbors names, and their kids rarely leave the house, let alone the yard.
I hope, since I have a new daughter in the house, that she gets to experience at least some of the things I did when I was a kid – riding bikes around the neighborhood, playing tag in the middle of the street, etc.
Great post.